What
are little boys made of?
What
are little boys made of?
Frogs and snails
And puppy dogs’ tails
That’s what little boys
are made of
What
are little girls made of?
What
are little girls made of?
Sugar
and spice
And all that’s nice,
That’s what little girls are made of.
Some
of you might remember this children’s song. It seems simple and harmless. But
it sends a message that boys and girls are markedly different. We do not need reminders that obedient,
compassionate and caring boys are quickly becoming an endangered species.
Sometimes the media and others have glamorized the boys and young men who are
involved in crime and illegal activities. Furthermore, some of us are deceived
into believing that the type of vehicle and/or brand name accessories as
jewelry, clothes and caps/hats are indicators of masculinity. Unfortunately,
once these falsehoods of masculinity are accepted and internalized the
repercussions are obvious.
In April 2018, I did a simple
experiment. For two days, I observed 8 boys and 8 girls, during their playtime,
in two private and public nursery (kindergarten) schools in Trinidad. For two
hours, boys and girls (between 3 and 4 year old) were given a mixed assortment
of toys- dolls, pink and blue Play-Doh, toy soldiers, farm animals and cars.
The children did not differentiate between toys for girls and boys. Girls
played with the cars and soldiers. Some of the teachers deliberately gave dolls
and plastic kitchenware to the girls and the boys received the cars and
soldiers. And, even then some of the boys were willing to share their toys with
their female classmates who accepted the cars and soldiers. Not surprisingly,
girls were also willing to play with blue toys and building blocks. And, boys
had no problems playing with pink building blocks or animals, a few boys were
attempting to create a fake fight with the dolls and soldiers or soldiers and
farm animals. The teachers at the nursery/kindergarten displayed displeasure and
uneasiness that the boys were playing with pink toys or pink Play-Doh. The
teachers felt that I would have recorded this as a shortcoming or fault in
their teaching.
Possibly at their homes, the message would have
been reinforced as some of these children would have been told that boys should
play with toy guns, soldiers and cars whilst girls play with dolls, kitchen
sets or toy cosmetics. And, those so-called gender-specific toys would be given
to the children as gifts for Christmas or birthdays. The outcome of this
experiment was an eye-opener as I realized how early our children are being
indoctrinated or ‘programmed’ and directed on certain paths of life.
Additionally, I realized that some of the
children, upon arrival at the nursery/pre-school, seemed reluctant to leave
their parents and stay in the nursery. It seems that sometimes an unhealthy
atmosphere at home will make boys and girls more willing to be in school which
provides that safe zone, that elusive space of peace. If parents argue and
quarrel at home or abuse a child, it is only natural that a child will feel
more inclined to be at school. Likewise, if the child is being verbally abused
or bullied in school, there would be a much stronger attachment to home and
reluctance to attend school. The urgent question to be addressed- could we
ensure both school and home are safe zones and peace spaces?
The recipe to create mature, diligent,
trustworthy boys in our world is a difficult one. The reason being is that there
is considerable inequality and our boys are not all on the same playing field.
The differences in culture, literacy, religion and geographical location have
all posed problems for moving boys to a higher level in society. However, there
are similar ingredients in that elusive recipe which will help our boys. We can take certain steps which could include:
1.
Creating
peace zones for ensuring our boys live in peaceful and stable surroundings.
2.
Promotion
of a safe environment to encourage creativity and thinking.
3.
Developing
reliable channels of communication to share problems and discuss ideas
4.
Deciding
and guiding future careers, choices of companions and friends.
5.
Creating
programs to rescue boys who are incarcerated.
6.
Monitoring
the gender messages that are being transmitted and absorbed
It is difficult to disagree when I write that many
of our boys are misunderstood and the adolescent journey is a nightmare. We
need to ensure that our boys can envision a society where they are treated
equally. We need to work with our boys on the busy highway of life to let them
fulfill their dreams and goals. We cannot believe that hugging and displaying
affection will make our boys soft or effeminate. If we do not embrace our boys,
then the wrong persons will embrace them and then it will be too late. Do we
want our boys finding role models among criminal gangs? Certainly not.
Let us promise to move forward with
all our boys. No boy will be left behind. The normal, abnormal, those
incarcerated, those free, the slow learners and the intelligent will share this
world and be able to live in happiness and peace.
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